It has been a month since our time in SE Asia and in this moment I feel as if it never even happened. I know we have yet to blog about our time there, what we did, what we saw, how He spoke to us. It was an overwhelming trip to say the very least and with extreme culture shock and exhaustion I felt numb the entire trip. I can remember on several occasions voicing out loud that "I feel like I am in a dream." I saw things that will forever stay in my mind, things I honestly want to forget because it would be easier to say "I never knew" than to see it and feel held responsible. Poverty. We don't even know what severe poverty is here in the States. I felt so worldly and materialistic and downright selfish for all of the things I have, treasure, and want. Possessions are not a bad thing per se, but how much I value what I have and how badly I desire more reflects the selfish, worldly nature of my heart. I saw beggars with no hands. Seriously. A boy, probably around 18 or so, came up my window and was beating on the window with no hands. In that moment I froze. It shattered my heart into millions of pieces that I had nothing to offer this boy. What he needed and still needs at this instant is the saving grace that comes from Jesus alone.
I remember walking through the slums of the capital city. I was in flip flops and was more concerned with what I was possibly stepping in than what I was seeing. Poverty as far as the eye could see. Trash and filth lining the muddy streets, children half naked and barefoot. There were no material goods to be had. In the slums, it is a fight for survival. Where will my next meal come from? We were welcomed into the "home" of a Muslim family and all 12 of us (at least, if not more) crowded into the one room. Inside this room was a large bed, which took up the bulk of the room. The rest of the room was taken up by a few items of clothing and some pots and pans.... seriously, the most basic and necessary things needed to survive. As I sat on a bed that felt more like a slab of concrete I had a serious reality check. THIS PLACE IS NOT MY HOME! I was not made for earth, I was made for something much greater and therefore, I can't get comfortable here.
A little boy in the slums
My biggest fear of walking away from SE Asia is that I will forget what I saw... that I will remain number to these people and pretend it never happened. Oh, it happened all right. We have some pretty incredible pictures and intense stories, but even still I remain emotionless. We spent some time in some very dark places. You could feel it. You could feel the absence of Jesus' name being praise. Allah is the god of these people and their cries to him in prayer made my stomach churn. I can remember lying in bed one night, windows open, two mosques on both sides of our $5 a night hotel. Around midnight lying in the pitch dark we heard our very first call to prayer and immediately I reached for Roy's hand. I was terrified, disturbed, and although fully acknowledging that Jesus is King of Kings and Lord of Lords I felt as if He wasn't present. Even now as I am writing to help myself process this trip really more than anything, I still find myself speechless. How do you put this trip into words? I am still struggling and ask that you bear with me and I wrestle through my scattered thoughts.
Please pray that we will continue to process this trip. It was a privilege to go and see what life is like in SE Asia, but I long to be changed by it... forever changed. May my heart and yours as well break for those who do not know Jesus. Please continue to lift up the people of SE Asia and beg the Lord to satisfy every longing they have.
